2 mn read### Why People Still Have Sex with Their Exes – And How They Can Stop

Even after breaking up, some former couples maintain contact and continue to have sex, sometimes even cheating on current partners. In Nigeria, this is often referred to as Okafor’s Law.

Studies indicate that a notable percentage of young adults (27%) and separated couples (22%) have had sex with an ex within a specific timeframe (Sage Journal, Psychology of Breakup).

#### Reasons People Sleep with Their Exes After Breaking Up

1. **Nostalgia**
– Clinical psychologist Jo Lamble explains that nostalgia for a younger, freer, and happier time can lead to an affair. Committed relationships or marriages can feel confining, prompting memories of the past with an ex.

2. **Familiarity**
– When feeling sad, many seek comfort in the familiar. Experts say people cheat with ex-partners because they feel a sense of certainty, know them well, and feel safe with them.

3. **Dissatisfaction**
– Dissatisfaction, neglect, anger, or falling out of love are primary reasons for cheating. A study in the Journal of Sex Research found that most cheaters cited dissatisfaction with their current relationship, feeling neglected, anger, or falling out of love as their motives.

4. **Hoping to Get Back Together**
– Post-breakup sex can be a strategy to reconcile. Researchers Buss and Schmitt note that both men and women use displays of affection, called benefit-provisioning, to try and win their exes back.

5. **Using the Sexual Relationship for Other Purposes**
– According to Sexual Strategy Theory (SST) by Buss and Schmitt, people may use sex after a breakup to gain resources, social ties, or high-quality partners. This adaptive value can include sexual variety, genetically suitable partners, resource acquisition, or social status advancement.

#### How to Avoid Sleeping with Your Ex

1. **Respect Yourself**
– Remember how your ex treated you and why the relationship ended. Sleeping with an ex can undermine your self-worth.

2. **Avoid Shared Places**
– Give yourself time before revisiting places where you might encounter your ex. A complete break from communication, including avoiding seeing them in person, can be the healthiest option.

3. **Social Media Cleanse**
– Unfollow or block your ex on social media to avoid seeing pictures or updates that might trigger emotions or nostalgia. This allows you time and space to heal and move on.

3 mn read

Surround yourself with honest, reliable, and supportive people.

Trust is the foundation of strong relationships, enabling us to be vulnerable, share our dreams, and rely on others for support. However, trust must be earned, not freely given.

Sadly, some people will break that trust, leaving us feeling hurt, betrayed, and confused.

While it’s impossible to predict someone’s actions with absolute certainty, certain personality traits and behaviors can be red flags. Here are 10 types of people to approach with caution regarding trust:

1. **The Chronic Liar**
– Chronic liars weave webs of deceit effortlessly, exaggerating stories, fabricating situations, or conveniently “forgetting” inconvenient details. Their constant dishonesty erodes trust.
– **Spotting Them:** Look for inconsistencies in their stories, frequent changes in details, and defensiveness when questioned.

2. **The Gossip Monger**
– Gossip mongers thrive on spreading rumors and drama. They enjoy the power of knowing something others don’t and stirring up trouble. Today, they might gossip about someone else; tomorrow, it could be you.
– **Spotting Them:** They disguise gossip as “just sharing” or “being concerned” but focus on negativity and drama, prying for personal information about others.

3. **The Betrayer**
– Betrayers prioritize their own needs over the trust you’ve placed in them. This can be a friend who reveals a secret, a co-worker who takes credit for your work, or a romantic partner who cheats.
– **Spotting Them:** Be wary of those who prioritize short-term gains over long-term loyalty. They may have a history of broken promises or making excuses for their actions.

4. **The Manipulator**
– Manipulators get what they want through subtle or direct means, playing on your emotions, guilt-tripping you, or using flattery.
– **Spotting Them:** They make you feel bad to get you to comply, use emotional blackmail, give insincere compliments, and avoid taking responsibility for their actions.

5. **The Narcissist**
– Narcissists have an inflated sense of self-importance and need constant admiration. They lack empathy and struggle to see things from your perspective, often being overly critical or taking advantage of your kindness.
– **Spotting Them:** They dominate conversations, rarely show genuine interest in others, struggle to be happy for other people’s successes, and shift focus to their needs and desires.

6. **The Yes-Man (or Yes-Woman)**
– Constant agreement might seem ideal initially, but a yes-man/woman is more interested in pleasing you than offering honest feedback.
– **Spotting Them:** They rarely express their opinions or disagree with yours, seem overly eager to please, and struggle to set boundaries.

7. **The Drama Queen (or King)**
– Drama queens/kings thrive on chaos and attention, creating problems, blowing issues out of proportion, and expecting you to solve their crises.
– **Spotting Them:** They have a victim mentality, blame others for their problems, struggle to take responsibility, crave attention, and thrive on emotional roller coasters.

8. **The Unreliable**
– Consistently unreliable people can’t be counted on, often missing deadlines, canceling plans last minute, or making promises they can’t keep.
– **Spotting Them:** They have a history of unreliable behavior, offer flimsy excuses, and rarely learn from their mistakes.

9. **The User**
– Users are interested in people only as long as they benefit from them, be it through connections, borrowing money without returning it, or exploiting kindness.
– **Spotting Them:** They seem overly interested in what you can do for them, rarely reciprocate favors, and have a history of leaving broken friendships or used-up acquaintances.

10. **The Abuser (Physical or Emotional)**
– Abusers seek to control and manipulate you, putting you down, making you feel worthless, or threatening you. This is the most serious category.
– **Spotting Them:** They are controlling, jealous, possessive, may try to isolate you from friends and family, monitor your communication, or use threats and intimidation. Physical abuse includes hitting, pushing, or any action causing harm.