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5 Things About Love I Tell Every Couple

Jay Fiona
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5 Things About Love I Tell Every Couple
6 mn read

5 Things About Love I Tell Every Couple

It’s easy to fall in love. However, co-creating a successful relationship that stands the test of time is a different story.

Making love stay can be a mystery to most of us.

As a professional matchmaker and relationship coach, I’ve worked with many couples working on their relationships. They’ve committed to the long haul and are interested in learning the skills for better connection, communication, and recognition.

I’ve learned there are infinite ways we can support and care for our partner. Over the years, a few relationship tips have become my favorites–to not only share with couples but also cultivate in my personal life.

Here are the five things about love I tell every couple looking to build a healthy, strong, and loving bond.

Space Is Essential in a Relationship

Consider the cardinal rule that how you do one thing is how you do everything. Your relationship with yourself is the most important because how you treat yourself is how you will treat everyone else, including your partner.

When you become too intertwined with your partner, it becomes challenging to view them outside the confines of the relationship. If you’ve noticed that their endearing quirks now seem annoying, it may be a sign that you need some space. Excessive time together can lead to taking each other for granted and overlooking the essence of your partner as an individual.

Rekindling the passion in your relationship involves a reminder that your partner is not an inherent possession but a daily commitment that you both choose to embrace, day in and day out. While loving each other’s company is great, there’s an undeniable beauty in approaching the relationship with intentional moderation.

Make your partner your confidant, best friend, and ally, but don’t forget to carve out time for your personal passions, friendships, and unique interests outside the relationship too. Paradoxically, giving each other space will bring you closer together and make the shared things in your combined relationship feel more sacred and precious.

Allowing space to exist between you and your partner serves several key purposes: emotional regulation, preservation of individuality, expression of shared trust, and the careful safeguarding of your relationship from becoming overwhelmed by constant presence.

During time apart, carve out space where you can feel like the protagonist of your own life again. You are more than the roles you play in society, whether that’s a partner, friend, family member, or co-worker. Treat yourself as kindly as you want to be treated by your loved ones.

When you’re alone, turn on your favorite playlist as you make a delicious comfort meal at home, or take out your rollerblades and skate outside before nightfall. Enjoy the activities and interests that make you happy.

I believe romantic love is beautiful, but so is community, familial, self-love, and platonic love. These connections can feel just as fulfilling and heart-bursting as what you have with your partner. By granting yourself the space you need, you are better equipped to embrace the multifaceted connections that enrich your life.

As you lean into solitude and expand past seeing your partner as your everything, you’re reminded of all of the magical things you have with yourself and the people who make up your life. Taking space apart becomes a gift of observation so you can see your partner for who they are which helps you appreciate them that much more.

Curiosity Will Make Your Relationship More Exciting 

Some of the best parts about love are the 3 AM moments when you get to share your childhood memories, niche interests, and innermost thoughts. This level of vulnerability is giving your partner access to the fullness of your being. Such openness allows you both to experience each other in the rawest, most authentic form.

You may think that you’ve seen every nook and cranny of your partner; understanding the beliefs that shape their actions, the communities they gravitate towards, and the reasons behind their life choices. Yet, there will always be aspects that will remain a mystery. No matter how much you share, growth and evolution are constants, continuously revealing new layers of your personalities and perspectives.

This inherent enigma exists in all relationships, and it’s crucial to remain curious in order to explore these uncharted territories together. Avoid assuming that you have each other entirely figured out. Instead, embrace the unknown and use that feeling to stay interested and open to your partner. Cultivating this sense of unpredictable excitement protects you from taking each other for granted.

I’ve found the best relationships tend to be the most growth-oriented and neuroplastic.1 Neuroplasticity refers to the brain’s ability to restructure itself with new neural pathways in response to different experiences.

Installing this type of thinking in your relationship reminds you that you will change constantly, and you’ll get to date many different people in one person. As you embrace the unexpected, it’ll keep you both on your toes and nurture adaptability.

Healthy couples possess an insatiable curiosity about one another, consistently asking questions and learning more about each other. This inquisitive nature extends to navigating disagreements with understanding rather than defensiveness.

Curiosity helps you introduce an element of unpredictability to the dynamic, making the connection feel fresh and exciting again. Curiosity keeps the relationship vibrant because it can help spark the exploration of new activities, perspectives, and hobbies.

Embrace novelty in your daily conversations, whether it’s reminiscing about the first childhood book they adored or discussing the latest insights from a science podcast you can’t stop listening to.

Curiosity ensures you remain invested in the true space that exists between you and your partner. By nurturing an ever-present sense of wonder, your relationship flourishes and thrives, keeping the spark alive.

Don’t Be Afraid of Conflict, Learn From Your Fights  

In any relationship, disagreements are inevitable. Despite your best intentions and shared values, it’s necessary to remember that both of you are distinct individuals with unique upbringings and perspectives. In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to feel misunderstood, critical, and upset with each other.

During times of anger, it’s important to recognize the physiological response triggered by the nervous system.2 The fight-flight-freeze-fawn response comes into play, leading to behaviors like yelling, withdrawal, shutting down, or attempting to please others to cope with stress.

You may also fall into one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse via defensiveness, stonewalling, criticism, or contempt. Identifying your conflict style beforehand is beneficial, as it allows you to slow down and approach conflicts more mindfully.

A good relationship lies in your ability to negotiate differences and manage conflicts compassionately. Addressing concerns openly is imperative, as unspoken worries can foster a sense of inauthenticity and create a rift in your connection. The less you share, the more emotional distance increases until you may start internalizing your feelings and resorting to unhealthy protest behaviors.

Plus, their reaction to your request for unmet needs or frustration will tell you a lot about the kind of person they are. So, share your needs, boundaries, and unsaid expectations without any fear.

At the end of a blow-out fight, shrugging it off with an apology isn’t enough. Not if you want to be in a long-lasting commitment with them. Learning how to respond, not react, is a skill. That’s why making an attempt at repair3 and proving you want to improve the way you communicate is a big deal.

This looks like processing the argument, expressing your emotions, validating their sides, taking accountability, and promising to understand more next time.  You won’t do it perfectly, but you’ll always try to do better which is what matters.

By engaging in the process of repair, you redirect your focus towards loving and respecting each other, transcending the need to win arguments. If your conflicts revolve around surface-level topics, repair helps you dig with precision to uncover the true root of the issues.

Know What True Compatibility Means 

In my work, it’s not uncommon to encounter couples who, despite having a strong external connection, struggle to feel truly close to each other. This internal disconnect often stems from a fundamental absence of compatibility – a lack of emotional connection that is essential for a relationship to endure.

To delve into the concept of compatibility, let’s start by examining the word’s etymology. “Compatibility” finds its roots in the Latin word compati which translates to “to suffer with.”

Here, I take the word suffer to mean the capacity to love someone through their darkest moments, and still being able to see them honestly and clearly. They are not a shiny object for your projections of love, but instead a real person with their own shortcomings.

I take the word suffer to mean the capacity to love someone through their darkest moments, and still being able to see them honestly and clearly. They are not a shiny object for your projections of love, but instead a real person with their own shortcomings.

True compatibility extends far beyond sharing similar goals, shared values, and having families that get along. You can have those similarities with most people. Compatibility is a conscious, wide-eyed choice to work together and stand by each other through thick and thin.

This kind of compatibility exists in those moments when they can’t offer you anything because they’re at their lowest. Yet their love is everything so you take it all – their problems, insecurities, growing pains, and the inevitable ups and downs of a relationship because you want them that badly.

Deciding to walk into love, not just fall in love with your partner, is a powerful commitment to aspire towards. Such a connection is rare to find, and when discovered, it becomes the foundation for the most genuine relationships.

Being compatible with your partner means making a choice to be their pillar of support and knowing the weight behind that choice. This level of unconditional love involves demonstrating compassion, resilience, and adoration that can echo throughout the various phases and evolutions of the relationship. You choose to support each other through sickness and health and for better and worse.

True compatibility is a profound feeling of safety that you can make a life off of.

Take the Love Quiz

Our fast and free love quiz can help you determine if what you’ve got is the real deal or simply a temporary fling or infatuation.

Are Your Dating Standards Too High?

Jay Fiona
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0
Are Your Dating Standards Too High?
5 mn read

Are Your Dating Standards Too High?

drawing of woman looking off into the distance

If you’re wondering why you’re having difficulty finding a compatible match and whether your expectations of a partner are realistic, you may want to evaluate your dating standards.

“It’s important to have dating standards that are right for you. If your standards are too low, this can lead to settling, either for so-so dates or—much worse—flawed, even loveless relationships. But if your standards are idealistically high, then you could make it almost impossible to find someone who can meet them,” says Connell Barrett, dating coach and host of the podcast Dating Transformation.

We talked to several experts who shared guidance on how to strike a balance between maintaining standards and being open to potential partners.

Figuring Out What Matters Most

While Amie Leadingham, certified relationship coach, says it is important to have standards while dating, she encourages her clients to make a list of non-negotiable deal-breakers, which include behaviors and values they need to align with a partner to have a happy relationship.

“Usually, we come up with 10 to 15 non-negotiables. For example, is this person spiritually aligned with them or do they want to have a family?” says Leadingham.

One strategy that helps determine this list is reflecting on why your past relationships didn’t work and what caused the breakup. “If your partner didn’t treat you like a priority or they were emotionally unavailable, write that down,” says Leadingham.

Then reframe the issue into a positive behavior you desire in a relationship. For instance, the new list would indicate that you want someone who treats you like a priority or is emotionally available. Including a specific example, such as “makes time for me every week” can help bring the trait to life.

“[Then] screen people against that value,” says Leadingham. “We change this into a positive behavior to screen from a positive place and what we desire to attract into our lives using the Law of Attraction.”

Reasonable dealbreakers might include someone who’s physically fit, has a steady job, can make you laugh, and has similar core values…Don’t settle for someone who violates your relationship dealbreakers.

The Pitfalls of “Packaging Trap”

Criteria people set for potential partners can shape their entire dating journey, she adds. However, the list does not consist of someone’s height or what kind of car they drive.

“Some singles may be so rigid about their standards that they screen people out for superficial reasons and miss out on real opportunities for love,” says Leadingham. “So, if a person’s list includes those kinds of qualities, then it might be time to reevaluate. People don’t get divorced because someone isn’t tall enough.”

When a person’s standards are based on superficial qualities and focus on the outside packaging of a person, such as their looks, body, job, wealth, and material possessions yet overlooks the reality of a person inside, she calls this, “packaging trap.”

Barrett agrees. He has clients create a list of three to five reasonable relationship dealbreakers—traits that their future partner absolutely must have.

“Reasonable dealbreakers might include someone who’s physically fit, has a steady job, can make you laugh, and has similar core values,” he says. “Don’t settle for someone who violates your relationship dealbreakers.”

He notes that stratospheric standards, such as “They must be worth millions” or “They must be perfect 10s” are not reasonable standards, and indicate you’re being too selective or idealistic.

“I’m a dating coach for introverted men, and once in a while a guy who has never even had a girlfriend will tell me that he wants to approach and date successful, model-caliber women. That guy’s standards are stratospheric, bordering on delusional,” says Barrett. “You want to aim high for your partner, but you also want to temper your aspirations with realism.”

A sign that your standards are too high is going on very few dates–two or three dates per year, he adds.

Considering All Possible Factors

According to 2020 survey by Pew Research Center, many people are open to dating a person who is different than them but there are certain deal-breakers.1 When asked whether they would ever consider being in a committed relationship with someone who correlates to the following, the percentage of people who selected “Definitely/probably would not” follows:

  • Lives far away 51%
  • Has a significant amount of debt 49%
  • Voted for Donald Trump 47%
  • Is 10 years older than them 38%
  • Is raising children from another relationship 36%
  • Is 10 years younger than them 27%
  • Is a Republican 27%
  • Voted for Hillary Clinton 26%
  • Is of a different religion 23%
  • Is of a different race or ethnicity 15%
  • Makes significantly less money than them 14%
  • Is a democrat 11%
  • Makes significantly more money than them 3%

Balancing Standards and Compatibility

Below are some tips for building healthy relationships while maintaining standards.

Be flexible with some preferences

While you might want to stick to your dealbreakers or must-haves in a relationship, Barrett says be willing to give up less desired traits of a potential partner.

For example, he references his client Aaron who met a woman named Alexandra.

“He was trying to decide if he should ask her to be his long-term romantic partner. She met his standards, and he seemed to meet hers. He was hesitant to commit because she is not a big traveler or into outdoor adventuring, such as hiking, like he is. Alexandra is more of a homebody,” says Barrett.

After consideration, Aaron decided to be flexible on this standard because Alexandra aligned so well with him in other ways, including all of his dealbreakers. “And they’re now a very happy couple,” Barrett says.

Admit when a standard is wrong

While defining non-negotiables in a potential partner is good, it’s ok to realize that you no longer need them to live up to a standard.

For example, Leadingham worked with a client who wanted to date someone with a college degree. “In her mind, she believed that if he had a degree, he would be ambitious. As she started dating men with degrees, she quickly realized the two didn’t correlate. The men she met had a degree but weren’t driven in life,” says Leadingham.

Her client adjusted her non-negotiable to wanting someone ambitious and driven rather than focusing on the degree, and she ended up falling in love with an ambitious entrepreneur who did not have a college degree. “She admittedly shared that before working with me, she had missed out on some great guys by screening them out because they didn’t have a degree,” Leadingham says.

Take it slow

Many singles get excited and jump into a relationship too quickly without knowing the person well enough before committing, says Leadingham.

“When massive red flags appear, they find themselves backtracking, trying to fix or save the relationship,” she says.

She suggests designating 90 days as a probationary period to ensure the partner meets all your non-negotiables in a relationship. “People tend to put their best foot forward in the beginning when they like you. Your goal is to see who they are when they aren’t trying to impress you,” Leadingham says.

If their actions continue to match their words, and they meet all your non-negotiables within that 90-day probationary period, then it’s likely you have met someone worth trusting and moving forward with.

Listen to your instinct

When you meet someone new, your gut will give you one of three feelings, says Barrett:

  • Hell yes!
  • Maybe
  • Hell no!

“Your gut knows all,” he says. “Gravitate toward dating people who make you feel ‘Hell yes!’ Strongly consider the ‘Maybe’ options—perhaps they’ll grow on you. And run away from the ‘Hell No!’ people,” he says.

Don’t settle

If you notice a pattern of disappointment in finding a compatible match and you are reevaluating your standards, that’s a great first step, but steer clear of settling. “It is about prioritizing the standards that matter the most to a harmonious relationship,” not giving up on what is really important to you, says Leadingham.

If You Think You’re Dating a Womanizer, Here’s What to Do

Jay Fiona
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0
If You Think You’re Dating a Womanizer, Here’s What to Do
5 mn read

If You Think You’re Dating a Womanizer, Here’s What to Do

He knows the exact right things to say and it’s giving you pause

Man at a party with women around him

You just got home from a date with a guy who seems genuinely great. He’s funny, charming, and acts like he really cares about you. The two of you laughed and bonded all night, so why does something feel off like it’s almost too good to be true?

Is it because of how he flirted with the female server several times throughout the night? Or the women you ran into at the bar who seemed a little too comfortable around him? Is it jealousy or is something else going on? Are you special or does he act like this with tons of women?

These questions are valid and you aren’t overthinking (ok, you might be, but we’re going to unpack it all). If you think you’ve fallen for a womanizer, read on to find out what to do.

What is a “Womanizer”?

Womanizer is a term for a man who can get affection from plenty of women but does not have the intention of committing to any one of them. They’re charismatic and experts at flirting.

They will say and do things they don’t mean just to get a woman’s attention…and maybe even her heart. Player, man whore or rizz master…he’s someone who’s playing the field but enjoys the game more than seeing it through.

Online Dating and Womanizers

With the growing popularity of online dating apps, it’s become easier for womanizers to get tons of dates. They could pursue dozens of women in the same night, all at their fingertips. It’s gotten so prolific that women have gone as far as to create Facebook groups to see if they are dating the same man.

Expert researchers have even suggested that the main purpose of dating apps isn’t to help people meet in person. Instead, they exploit the users by turning their desires towards the app and focusing on gaining matches. When someone gets a match, they feel immediate social gratification and self-worth validation. This entices them to keep using the app.1

Womanizers do well on dating apps because they can send out the same charming “lines” to as many women as they want all while feeding that endless need for validation that the apps create. A womanizing type of man is a perfect tool to keep emotionally vulnerable dating app users coming back for more.

Some men particularly struggle to feel worthy and valid on their own. They may use dating as a way to outsource self-worth and seek validation…These men believe they bring little value to a relationship so they reject women before they can truly get to know them

Is There a Psychological Explanation?

Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, a clinical psychologist, professor, and writer in New York City explains that there are various causes for men who exhibit ‘player’ behavior.

“Some men particularly struggle to feel worthy and valid on their own. They may use dating as a way to outsource self-worth and seek validation. Others find value in career or financial success but unfortunately are lacking in this area of their life and aren’t reaching their goals. These men believe they bring little value to a relationship so they reject women before they can truly get to know them.”

Some men who are players tend to objectify women. They only view them as a way to meet their needs, to use them and to boost their own status and ego.

However, there isn’t a one-size-fits-all psychological explanation for any behavior. Ricki Romm, LCSW, a psychotherapist based in New York who helps individuals and couples strengthen relationships and celebrate imperfections says that there are endless explanations.

“Some people might be exploring different parts of themselves that emerge in different relationships. Others might be avoiding the vulnerability of committing to a partner or partners,” explained Romm.

What To Do If You Think He’s a Womanizer

So you think the guy you’re seeing isn’t truly interested in you alone? First, you’ll need to see if they’re a womanizer or genuinely charming.

Romm shared that there are a few signs to look for. Someone genuinely interested will hopefully behave in ways that help you to feel safe and valued. They reach out consistently and follow up when they say will, as opposed to responding to texts sporadically or going dark.

They’ll also pursue a genuine connection. This means asking questions about you, sharing information about themselves and engaging in thoughtful conversation that goes beyond playful banter.

Should you keep dating them? Can they change?

This depends on what you’re looking for. If you’re certain they are a womanizer, then it’s up to you to decide whether they are meeting your particular needs. You can embrace these types of men because they can be a lot of fun to hang out with. They can make you feel good about yourself. However, you shouldn’t expect a lot from them beyond casual dating.

Dr. Romanoff explained that unfortunately, many men are skilled at faking genuine interest. However, all is eventually revealed with time. This is why it is important to take your time to slowly get to know someone. The cracks in the façade they portray will eventually be revealed and crumble.

“[I]t is important to listen more than you talk. Try to get to know the other person, his early life, his relationship patterns, and his goals for the future — all will help reveal parts of the puzzle to gain a more complete picture of the person,” advised Dr. Romanoff.

Dating Tips If You Haven’t Gotten What You Want

If it seems like you’re constantly getting played by men, it may be time to take a step back. Romanoff advises you to listen to your body. The emotions you’re feeling can provide a lot of guidance if you allow it.

It’s normal to feel some butterflies when you’re excited about someone new. However, if you feel gripping anxiety or consistent disappointment because you don’t know if someone is going to call or show up, it might be a sign that something isn’t working.

Dating can be a rollercoaster of emotions. Most of us don’t come out unscathed. The most important advice is to know yourself, what you’re looking for and your priorities.

Dr. Romanoff suggests going into each date or interaction deciding your boundaries and what you are comfortable doing with this person. When you are alone and have clarity on what you want — decide what your boundaries are — and then stick to them. To increase accountability, you can communicate them to the person, write them down, or tell a friend.

Dating can be a rollercoaster of emotions. Most of us don’t come out unscathed. The most important advice is to know yourself, what you’re looking for and your priorities.

If you’re finding someone to have light and casual fun, then it’s unrealistic to expect the person you’re dating to want to get serious. If you’re looking for someone to share your life with, you’ll need to be clear about your expectations, recognize signs that don’t align with your intentions and act accordingly.

Exploring the World: The Transformative Power of Travel”

Jay Fiona
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0
Exploring the World: The Transformative Power of Travel”
2 mn read

Exploring the World: The Transformative Power of Travel”

In a world where digital connectivity often overshadows physical presence, travel remains an unparalleled avenue for exploration, discovery, and personal growth. Beyond mere sightseeing, it’s an opportunity to immerse oneself in diverse cultures, landscapes, and experiences. Whether it’s traversing bustling city streets, trekking through remote wilderness, or indulging in culinary delights, every journey leaves an indelible mark on the traveler’s soul.

### Unveiling Cultural Tapestry

One of the most enriching aspects of travel is encountering different cultures. Each region boasts its own unique customs, traditions, and heritage, offering a window into humanity’s rich tapestry. From the vibrant festivals of Rio de Janeiro to the serene tea ceremonies of Kyoto, every interaction fosters cross-cultural understanding and appreciation. By embracing unfamiliar customs and engaging with locals, travelers transcend language barriers and forge meaningful connections that transcend borders.

### Embracing Nature’s Majesty

Beyond the confines of urban life lies the untamed beauty of the natural world. Traveling to remote wilderness areas offers a profound sense of awe and wonder. Whether scaling majestic peaks, traversing verdant rainforests, or basking in the serenity of secluded beaches, nature’s grandeur inspires humility and reverence. In these tranquil settings, away from the distractions of modernity, travelers reconnect with their primal essence and gain a newfound appreciation for the delicate balance of ecosystems.

### Nourishing the Palate, Feeding the Soul

Culinary exploration is an integral part of the travel experience, tantalizing the taste buds and awakening the senses. Each dish tells a story, reflecting centuries of culinary evolution and cultural fusion. From savoring street food delicacies in Bangkok’s bustling markets to indulging in haute cuisine in Parisian bistros, every meal is a gastronomic adventure. Beyond satiating hunger, food fosters camaraderie and facilitates cultural exchange, serving as a universal language that transcends cultural divides.

### Fostering Personal Growth

Travel is not merely about changing locations; it’s about transforming perspectives. Stepping outside one’s comfort zone fosters personal growth and self-discovery. Whether navigating unfamiliar streets, overcoming language barriers, or confronting new challenges, travelers cultivate resilience and adaptability. Each encounter, whether joyful or challenging, contributes to a deeper understanding of oneself and the world at large. By embracing the unknown, travelers embark on a journey of self-realization and empowerment.

### Conclusion: The Journey Continues

In an era defined by rapid globalization and technological advancement, travel remains a timeless pursuit that feeds the soul and expands the mind. It’s a testament to humanity’s innate curiosity and thirst for adventure. As we navigate the complexities of the modern world, let us never lose sight of the transformative power of travel. Whether embarking on a cross-country road trip or jet-setting to far-flung destinations, each journey offers an opportunity to rediscover the beauty of the world and our place within it.

So, pack your bags, set aside your itinerary, and embark on a voyage of discovery. For in the words of Marcel Proust, “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.”

—

This article encapsulates the multifaceted aspects of travel, from cultural immersion to personal growth, emphasizing its profound impact on individuals and society as a whole.

5 Amazing Music Video Locations in Africa

Efiok Ephraim
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0
5 Amazing Music Video Locations in Africa
3 mn read

5 Amazing Music Video Locations in Africa

Have you ever been captivated by a scene from a music video and imagined being in the same location? Maybe with friends, family, or even on a ‘baecation’ – if you know what I mean 😉

Chances are we all have, and that is why we have put together these 5 amazing music video locations that you can visit, right here, in Africa!

Kajuru Castle

The Wishlist video by LeriQ featuring Wande Coal was shot at the Kajuru Castle. The Kajuru castle in Kaduna is absolutely breathtaking with beautiful views and a landscape that is perfect for relaxing.You wouldn’t believe such a beauty exists in Nigeria. Need a short break from the hustle and bustle of city life? Then get on a flight to Kaduna today and head for the beautiful Kajuru castle!

Zulu Huts, KwaZulu-Natal

Distance by the American singer-songwriter Omarion was shot at KwaZulu-Natal. The Zulu Kingdom in KwaZulu-Natal, South Africa has a fascinating culture worth exploring. KwaZulu-Natal attractions include a wealth of birdlife, games and nature reserves. Hop aboard a flight to South Africa to experience a life-changing African safari plus a trip along the Battlefields Route through Vryheid. Enjoy the first-hand Zulu hospitality, dance, song and food in South Africa.

Olumirin Water Falls, Erin Ijesha

The Orente by Adekunle Gold was shot at Erin-Ijesha where we have the Olumirin Water Falls. The Olumirin Water Falls is a fascinating tourist attraction and one of the amazing sights in  Erin-Ijesha, Osogbo. How adventurous are you? Try climbing the 7 levels of Olumirin Water Falls at Erin-Ijesha in Osun State. The view at all the levels will leave you in awe and the freshness of the waters is energizing.

San Camp, Makgadikgadi

Wildest Dreams by American singer-songwriter Tailor Swift was shot in San Camp, Makgadikgadi. Makgadikgadi is one of the hottest safari destinations in Botswana. The San Camp is definitely one of the most romantic Camps in Africa. This secluded, six-tent camp sits on grasslands overlooking the Makgadikgadi Pans National Park. It is ideal for an out-of-the-way honeymoon. Create your dream safari moments, let your excitement know no bounds. Visit San Camp, it is open between April and October in the year.

Cape Coast Castle, Ghana

Ghana is surrounded by historic forts and castles that reflect the country’s pre-colonization history, the Cape Coast castle in Ghana has been visited by several tourists, including the former president of the United States of America Barack Obama. The official video of Jeje by Falz d Bahd guy succeeds in highlighting the Jamestown/ Ushertown vicinity, iconic lighthouse and a general feel of the 17th-century district castle that reminds you of the survival instincts and hope of the Africans.

Have you been to any amazing music video location in Africa? If yes, then feel free to share your experience with us. We would be glad to hear from you.

10 Interesting facts about New York you didn’t know

Efiok Ephraim
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0
10 Interesting facts about New York you didn’t know
5 mn read

10 Interesting facts about New York you didn’t know

Here are some key facts and information about New York city you probably never heard before:

1. State Capital: Albany

2. Largest City: New York City, often simply referred to as “New York,” is the largest city not only in the state but in the entire United States.

3. Nicknames: New York is often called the “Empire State” due to its historical significance and economic power.

4. Population: As of my last knowledge update in September 2021, New York had a population of over 20 million people, making it one of the most populous states in the U.S.

5. Geography: New York is characterized by its diverse geography, including the Adirondack Mountains in the north, the Catskill Mountains in the southeast, the Great Lakes to the west, and the Atlantic Ocean to the east.

6. Economy: New York has a diverse and robust economy, with significant contributions from finance, technology, media, healthcare, and tourism. New York City, in particular, is a global financial hub.

7. Tourist Attractions: New York is home to numerous famous tourist attractions, including Times Square, Central Park, the Statue of Liberty, Broadway, the Empire State Building, and many world-class museums and art galleries.

8. Cultural Diversity: The state is known for its cultural diversity, with people from all over the world calling it home. This diversity is reflected in its cuisine, festivals, and neighborhoods.

9. History: New York played a crucial role in American history, including serving as the capital of the United States for a brief period. It was a major gateway for immigrants entering the country in the late 19th and early 20th centuries.

10. Sports: NYC has a strong sports culture with several professional sports teams, including the New York Yankees (baseball), New York Knicks (basketball), New York Giants and New York Jets (football), and New York Rangers (hockey).

 

Why is New York so famous?

Wondering why New York is so famous? New York is well known for a variety of reasons, and its fame stems from a combination of historical, cultural, economic, and geographic factors. Here are some of the key reasons why New York is so popular:

1. New York City: New York City is one of the world’s most iconic and populous cities. It is famous for its towering skyscrapers (like the Trump Towers), bustling streets, and vibrant cultural scene. The city is a global hub for finance, fashion, media, and the arts.

2. Economic Powerhouse: New York City is a major financial center, home to Wall Street and the New York Stock Exchange. It plays a critical role in the global economy, attracting businesses, entrepreneurs, and investors from around the world.

3. Cultural Capital: New York City is a cultural epicenter, with world-renowned museums like the Metropolitan Museum of Art, theaters on Broadway, and diverse neighborhoods representing cultures from across the globe. It’s a hub for music, fashion, and culinary innovation.

4. Statue of Liberty: The Statue of Liberty, a gift from France to the United States, stands as a symbol of freedom and democracy. It is located on Liberty Island in New York Harbor and is one of the most recognizable symbols of the United States.

5. Central Park: Central Park, located in the heart of Manhattan, is an enormous urban park famous for its scenic beauty, recreational activities, and cultural events. It offers a peaceful escape from the city’s hustle and bustle.

6. Times Square: Times Square is a bustling commercial and entertainment hub known for its bright lights, giant billboards, and as the epicenter of the annual New Year’s Eve ball drop celebration.

7. Culinary Scene: New York is celebrated for its diverse and world-class culinary scene. It offers a wide range of cuisines, from street food vendors to Michelin-starred restaurants.

8. Landmarks: The city is home to architectural landmarks like the Empire State Building, One World Trade Center (Freedom Tower), and the Chrysler Building, which have become symbols of the city and the nation.

9. Cultural Diversity: New York’s population is incredibly diverse, with people from all over the world living and working there. This diversity contributes to its unique and vibrant cultural tapestry.

10. Historical Significance: New York played a crucial role in American history, from being an early Dutch and British colonial settlement to serving as the first U.S. capital. The city has witnessed significant historical events, including the signing of the Declaration of Independence.

11. Media and Entertainment: New York is a hub for the media and entertainment industry, with major television networks, film studios, and publishing houses headquartered there. It’s also the backdrop for countless movies, TV shows, and iconic moments in entertainment history.

 

Why is New York so popular among Tourists?

New York is exceptionally popular among tourists for a multitude of reasons. Here are some of the key factors that contribute to its popularity as a tourist destination:

1. Iconic Landmarks: New York is so popular because New York City is home to some of the world’s most recognizable landmarks, including the Statue of Liberty, Times Square, Central Park, the Empire State Building, and One World Trade Center. Tourists come from all over the world to see and experience these iconic sites.

2. Cultural Attractions: New York offers a wealth of cultural attractions, such as world-class museums like the Metropolitan Museum of Art, the Museum of Modern Art (MoMA), and the American Museum of Natural History. The city also boasts a vibrant theater scene, with Broadway being the pinnacle of live theater performances.

The city hosts numerous events and festivals throughout the year, from the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade to the New York Film Festival. These events draw tourists and provide unique cultural experiences.

3. Diverse Neighborhoods: New York is so popular because Tourists can explore neighborhoods like Chinatown, Little Italy, Harlem, and the Lower East Side to experience a wide range of cultures and cuisines.

4. Culinary Delights: The city is a culinary paradise, with an abundance of restaurants, food trucks, and eateries offering cuisine from around the world. From classic New York-style pizza to fine dining experiences, there’s something for every palate.

5. Shopping: New York City is a shopper’s paradise, with famous shopping districts like Fifth Avenue, Madison Avenue, and SoHo. Visitors can find everything from luxury brands to unique boutique shops.

6. Diversity and Inclusivity: New York’s diverse and inclusive atmosphere welcomes people from all backgrounds, making it a welcoming destination for travelers from around the world.

7. Scenic Views: The city offers breathtaking views from various vantage points, such as the Top of the Rock Observatory, the Staten Island Ferry, and the High Line, providing visitors with stunning vistas of the city’s skyline.

Conclusions on why New York is so famous

In summary, New York’s fame is the result of its status as a global economic and cultural powerhouse, its iconic landmarks, its rich history, and its vibrant and diverse population. It continues to be a city and state that captivates the world’s attention. New York’s popularity as a tourist destination can be attributed to its rich cultural offerings, iconic landmarks, diverse neighborhoods, culinary delights, and a vibrant atmosphere that caters to a wide range of interests and preferences.

Top 5 body lotions for dark-skinned people that won’t bleach

Jay Fiona
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0
Top 5 body lotions for dark-skinned people that won’t bleach
2 mn read

Top 5 body lotions for dark-skinned people that won’t bleach

What’s the best lotion for you if you are dark-skinned but you don’t want to bleach

If you are dark-skinned, you might be wondering how you can have smooth, glowing dark skin without bleaching or changing your complexion

There are many great lotions available for dark-skinned women in Nigeria, but here are the well-reviewed options:

<img class="image lazyloaded imgWithMetaData" title="Palmer's Cocoa Butter Moisturising Body Lotion [Teeka4]" src="data:;base64,” alt=”Palmer’s Cocoa Butter Moisturising Body Lotion [Teeka4]” width=”790″ height=”790″ data-original=”https://ocdn.eu/pulscms-transforms/1/pFlktkpTURBXy81NGZlYzRiNGQ3ZjcyMDkzNDY0ZDQ1YTE4MGY0NTE2Ni5qcGeRlQLNAxbNAxbCww” />

Palmer’s Cocoa Butter Moisturising Body Lotion

A classic choice that’s been around for generations, Palmer’s Cocoa Butter Lotion is a great all-purpose moisturiser for dark skin. Palmer’s Cocoa Butter Formula Daily Skin Therapy Solid is a rich, non-darkening, non-greasy lotion designed to hydrate dry, rough skin and enhance its appearance.

<img class="image lazyloaded imgWithMetaData" title="Vaseline intensive care cocoa radiant lotion [caretobeauty]" src="data:;base64,” alt=”Vaseline intensive care cocoa radiant lotion [caretobeauty]” width=”790″ height=”790″ data-original=”https://ocdn.eu/pulscms-transforms/1/DjiktkpTURBXy8yMDQ5NzcwN2UwM2M3YjEwNDBiYTkxNjgxNTExNDM4ZC5qcGeRlQLNAxbNAxbCww” />

Vaseline intensive care cocoa radiant lotion

This lotion is another good option for dark, dry skin. It contains cocoa butter and soybean oil to hydrate the skin, and it also has vitamin E to help protect the skin from damage. It effectively aids in the healing of dry and dull-looking skin by combining ultra-hydrating lipids and pure cocoa butter.

<img class="image lazyloaded imgWithMetaData" title="Fair & White African Shea Butter Body Lotion [Ubuy]" src="data:;base64,” alt=”Fair & White African Shea Butter Body Lotion [Ubuy]” width=”790″ height=”790″ data-original=”https://ocdn.eu/pulscms-transforms/1/AjaktkpTURBXy9lZThiYTA4YTUzZmZkZDQ1NWFhNTE0ODFjMTFhNWZkYi5qcGeRlQLNAxbNAxbCww” />

Fair & White African Shea Butter Body Lotion

This lotion is made with 100% organic African shea butter, which is a natural source of moisture. It’s also fragrance-free, which makes it a good option for people with sensitive skin.

<img class="image lazyloaded imgWithMetaData" title="Cantu skin therapy [Ubuy]" src="data:;base64,” alt=”Cantu skin therapy [Ubuy]” width=”790″ height=”790″ data-original=”https://ocdn.eu/pulscms-transforms/1/0eRktkpTURBXy83ZWZmOWNiYzIwZGUxMWM1OWFjZmQ0OTEzMTI2ODc4Ny5qcGeRlQLNAxbNAxbCww” />

Cantu skin therapy

This lotion is made with 100% pure shea butter, cocoa butter, and vitamin E. It smells so good and keeps dark skin smooth and moisturised.

This lotion contains five natural oils: almond, soybean, avocado, macadamia, and olive oil, which help clear stretch marks and reduce their appearance. It is enriched with 95% pure vitamin C and pearl extract to reduce dark marks and even dark skin.

With these lotions, you are sure to have smooth skin

How to Make Friends as an Adult

Jay Fiona
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0
How to Make Friends as an Adult
6 mn read

How to Make Friends as an Adult

Remember how easy it was to make friends in elementary school? All you had to do was go up to someone and ask them to check out the cool bug you just found or join you on the swings. Not only were you less worried about being rejected, but you also weren’t as picky about who you were hanging out with. And it certainly didn’t hurt that you had daily opportunities to interact with other kids.

Once you reach adulthood the same rules don’t apply. Our lives (and personalities) are far more complicated, and while we might spend time around our “peers” they may not be the type of people we’d actually get along with. Not to mention the fear of rejection which hits a lot harder than it did when you were a kid.

Cultivating friendships also takes a lot of time, something most of us a short on these days. While it might seem easier to just lament the fact that your friend group is shrinking, there are actually plenty of ways to make friends as an adult—some more obvious than others.

Why Friends Matter in Adulthood

Research shows that after the age of 25, most adult friendships start to dwindle.1 Of course, some of this has to do with changing jobs, getting married, moving, and even having children.

Forming meaningful relationships may become harder as you get older, but it’s well worth the effort. Good friendships have a myriad of benefits, including:2

  • Better immune functioning
  • Decreased risk of disease, illness, and injury
  • Increased longevity
  • Reduced stress
  • Speedier recovery when sick

Have the Right Mindset to Make New Friends

When it comes to making friends as an adult, it’s important to be positive and proactive. If you go into the process thinking that you are never going to make friends, you probably won’t. And if you leave your social life up to chance, you probably won’t see results either.

Are You a Likable Person? Take the Quiz

This fast, free quiz can help give you insight into whether or not you possess traits that could make you more or less likable to potential new friends.

Focus on Being Open

Don’t overthink the process of making friends. Instead of worrying about being rejected, or dwelling on the fact that you might not be fun enough, channel your inner child. Be open to meeting new people and having new experiences.

Don’t assume that all your future friends have to be of the same gender, age, or ethnic background as you. Instead, be open and inviting, and see what happens when you expand your horizons.

Make a List of Potential Friends

Almost every person has one or two people who would like to get to know better in their life. Make a list of people you might like to hang out with sometimes. Remember, making friends takes work, and someone needs to take the initiative. After you have your list, consider extending an invitation for coffee and see what happens.

Put It On the Calendar

Let’s face it. Everyone is busy. And despite your best intentions, if you don’t schedule it, you likely won’t do anything about making more friends.

To prevent this, set aside time to call the person from your book club that you really connect with. Decide when you will ask that friend from the office to join you for appetizers after work. The key is to schedule these initial contacts because you will keep putting them off if you don’t.

Accept Invitations

Yes, you are tired, busy, and over-scheduled. But if someone invites you to do something, try to make it happen! If you have social anxiety, do your best to remember that this person invited you to get together because they like you and want to get to know you better.

Of course, if you cannot afford something or are sick, definitely decline the invite. But make an effort to do something else together instead. Even if you don’t know the person very well, accepting invitations is a great opportunity to open doors and expand your friendship opportunities.

Try New Things

When you are looking to make friends, it’s important to expand your horizons and try new things. You never know; you might just enjoy these new adventures. Plus, it will open up the possibility of making friends in new and exciting places.

So take an art class or a rock climbing course. You might not be the only one stepping out of their comfort zone, and that in and of itself can be something to bond over.

Seek Out New Friends

Part of the challenge of making new friends is knowing where to look. Too many times, people assume that there are just no potential friends out there. But the problem is not the lack of opportunities for friendships, but the inability to put forth the effort to find them.

Leverage Your Social Media Accounts

The purpose of social media is to connect people. Whether they live far away or you haven’t seen them since high school, your social media accounts are ripe with opportunities to make friends. Of course, you are technically already “friends” with them online, but if you see a friend post about something you are interested in, reach out and make a connection.

You also can use social media to organize get-togethers. For instance, if you want to host a poker night, post something on your social media account to see who might be interested.

Reach Out to Neighbors

Many people don’t realize they have a potential friend living right next door or across the street. They give the courtesy wave and immediately close their door, not even trying to start a conversation. But there may be some really great friendships waiting for you right next door. So the next time you are both out, do more than just wave.

Connect With Co-Workers

You spend a large portion of your life with your co-workers. And even though you are in a professional setting, you likely know a great deal about one another.

Whether or not you are working in the same physical space, consider inviting one of your co-workers to do something non-work-related when it’s safe to do so. For instance, suggest you attend a baseball game together or grab dinner after work. Or, if you share a passion for something like yoga or cooking, suggest you do it together.

Join a Gym or Sports Team

It seems kind of cliché to suggest meeting people at the gym. But people do it all the time. Consider joining a gym or an adult recreational league.

You can also see if your workplace, city parks department, or place of worship has a team you’re interested in (softball, soccer, kickball, bowling, tennis) and sign up.

The next time you are in Zumba class, or you’re walking on the treadmill, strike up a casual conversation with the person next to you. Who knows? You might have the beginnings of a great friendship in the making.

Attend a Meet-Up or Networking Event

Whether you work from home or go into an office every day, meet-ups and other networking events are a great way to meet new people. Not only are these events filled with people looking to connect with other professionals, but they also are great places to meet people who share the same passions. You can learn about these types of get-togethers through apps like Meetup and Eventbrite.

Join a Club

If you love to read, joining a local book club is a great way to meet potential new friends. What’s more, you will get to know each other on a much deeper level when discussing a book. Even if you don’t meet your future best friend in your book club, at the very least, you will have a group of people that you can mingle with every month.

Your public library or local bookstore is the perfect place to start looking for book clubs near you. Or, if you can’t find a book club in your area, you can always start your own.

If books aren’t your thing, look for or start a movie club, cooking club, or hiking club. Whatever hobby you enjoy, others probably enjoy it too, and that makes for a natural starting point for a friendship.

Get Involved at Your Place of Worship

Whether you are active in a church or haven’t been to one in years, churches, mosques, and synagogues are a great way to meet people who share your faith. Plus, there are usually a lot of opportunities for involvement. Whether it is a study group, a volunteer opportunity, or a weekly potluck, places of worship are ideal for meeting new people and making friends.

Volunteer

Volunteering your time and energy is a great way to improve your feelings of gratitude. Volunteer regularly and you’re bound to meet people who share some of your core values and who would make good friends.

Maintain Your Friendships

After you have established a few connections, it’s important to stay in contact. Friendships are like plants. If you don’t water them regularly, they will die.

So make sure you are regularly reaching out to your new friends. Call or text consistently just to see how they are doing. Ask about their lives. Show an interest in the things that are important to them. A good friend doesn’t make the friendship all about their needs; but also takes an active interest in the other person.

Romantic Travel Destinations

Efiok Ephraim
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0
Romantic Travel Destinations
3 mn read

Romantic Travel Destinations

there are series of choice holiday destinations for your romantic or honeymoon vacation.

Paris, France

It is no surprise that France is on the list as it is popularly known as the City of Love. The capital of France welcomes millions of tourists annually, especially lovers. It is a picturesque, glamorous city that is absolutely perfect for lovers. The city has tons of activities that lovers can engage in: visiting the eiffel tower, museum dates, picnic dates. The food scene is another thing to explore as France is filled with many restaurants and fascinating meals.

                                     Paris – France

Venice, Italy

Italians are known to be very romantic. Venice is one of the most popular destinations for travelers that are interested in creating romantic memories. Major parts of the city are carefree and this makes for wonderful walking routes with your loved ones. The ambience of the island makes it perfect for romance. You can get to engage in many activities like: wine tasting, gondola ride and try out a gelato with your significant other.

Santorini, Greece

This dreamy island is one of the most romantic destinations in the world. With whitewashed walls and crystal clear seas, it is no surprise that lots of people would have it on their list. Watch beautiful sunsets and cruise on the Mediterranean to create more memories.

Cancun, Mexico

Cancun is probably the most popular tourist destination in Mexico because of its paradise- like ambience. The city has a touristy vibe to it, so you might not exactly get to know about Mexico in the city. Take some time to explore the gorgeous beaches, Scuba diving or even go on day trips to other cities.

Bali, Indonesia

Bali is probably a destination on everyone’s bucket list. This destination has amazing scenery that is perfect for people looking for a serene destination. Depending on your choice, your holiday can be laid back or activity filled, Bali has something for everyone. The weather is great all year round which makes it an even more perfect destination.

Bath, England

Not many people (in Nigeria) know that Bath is a fantastic destination for a romantic vacation. It’s the perfect place to go when you want a laid-back vacation. Its architecture and intimate activities, make it just right for lovers to enjoy.

 

Here are 5 reasons some pregnancies last longer than 9 months

Jay Fiona
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0
Here are 5 reasons some pregnancies last longer than 9 months
3 mn read

Here are 5 reasons some pregnancies last longer than 9 months

Pregnancy, that miraculous journey of creating life, is often marked by the anticipation of a nine-month countdown.

Why some pregnancies last longer than 9 months [iStock]
Why some pregnancies last longer than 9 month

But what happens when the due date comes and goes, leaving expectant parents eagerly awaiting the arrival of their little one?

Enter the intriguing phenomenon of pregnancies that last longer than the typical nine months. Let’s dive into the fascinating world of extended pregnancies and uncover some of the reasons behind this phenomenon.

  1. Gestational variability: While the standard duration of pregnancy is considered to be around 40 weeks, there’s actually quite a bit of variability in gestational length among different individuals.

Just as babies come in all shapes and sizes, so too do pregnancies vary in their duration. Factors such as genetics, maternal health, and fetal development can influence the length of gestation, leading to pregnancies that last anywhere from 37 to 42 weeks or even longer.

2. Miscalculated due dates: One of the most common reasons for pregnancies seeming to last longer than expected is simply due to inaccurate estimations of the due date.

Determining the precise moment of conception and predicting the exact length of pregnancy isn’t always a precise science.

Due dates are typically calculated based on the first day of the mother’s last menstrual period, but this method assumes a regular menstrual cycle and ovulation occurring exactly two weeks after.

However, variations in menstrual cycles and ovulation timing can lead to discrepancies in estimated due dates.

3. Fetal factors: Sometimes, the baby has a say in when they’re ready to make their grand entrance into the world. Just like adults, babies have their own internal clocks and developmental timelines.

Some babies may need a bit more time to fully mature in the womb before they’re ready for birth. Factors such as fetal lung development, organ maturity, and growth rate can influence the timing of labor, leading to pregnancies that extend beyond the expected due date.

4. Environmental and lifestyle influences: External factors can also play a role in the duration of pregnancy. Maternal lifestyle choices, such as nutrition, stress levels, and physical activity, can impact the progression of pregnancy.

Additionally, environmental factors, such as exposure to pollutants or toxins, may influence fetal development and affect the timing of labor. In some cases, these factors can contribute to pregnancies lasting longer than anticipated.

5. Medical conditions: Certain medical conditions can predispose women to longer pregnancies. Conditions such as gestational diabetes, preeclampsia, and thyroid disorders may affect the timing of labor and result in extended gestational periods.

Similarly, complications such as placental abnormalities or fetal growth restriction can delay the onset of labor and prolong pregnancy duration.

Pregnancy is a remarkable journey filled with wonder and unpredictability. While the standard expectation may be a nine-month gestational period, the reality is that pregnancies can vary in length for a multitude of reasons.

From genetic factors to fetal development and maternal health, there are numerous influences that can contribute to pregnancies lasting longer than expected.

As expectant parents navigate the ups and downs of pregnancy, it’s important to stay informed, communicate openly with healthcare providers, and embrace the unique journey that each pregnancy entails.

After all, the arrival of a precious little one is always worth the wait.

These are 7 traits all toxic parents have — are you one?

Jay Fiona
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0
These are 7 traits all toxic parents have — are you one?
3 mn read

These are 7 traits all toxic parents have — are you one?

See what parental behaviour is toxic and be sure to eliminate it from your life.

Black mother and son [Parents]
Black mother and son [Parents]

You may not even know that your parents were toxic. However, certain behaviours may indicate this.

Unfortunately, this was not a very popular attitude in the past. Our parents made many mistakes because of this. Perhaps you too were a victim of their ignorance.

See what parental behaviour is toxic and be sure to eliminate it from your life!

Have you always dreamed of being a ballerina, but you lacked the courage to try? Then don’t even try to transfer these ambitions to your child! Let him decide for himself what passions he wants to develop and observe him from an appropriate distance. It is possible that the child will also dream of ballet. However, this idea must come directly from him – without any pressure from you.

<img class="image lazyloaded imgWithMetaData" title="Don't constantly scold your child or you may alienate them [Yahoo]" src="data:;base64,” alt=”Don’t constantly scold your child or you may alienate them [Yahoo]” width=”640″ height=”427″ data-original=”https://ocdn.eu/pulscms-transforms/1/ew_ktkqTURBXy82NjA4YmY4MjhhYmY1MDE5MzBmYWE0YmI1YTk1YjRlYS5qcGVnkpUDAADNAoDNAauVAs0CgM0Bq8LD” />

Don’t constantly scold your child or you may alienate them [Yahoo]

Even if you see your child doing something in an inappropriate way (for example, not washing the dishes thoroughly), do not criticise him at every step. Let him come to some conclusions on his own.

If you constantly scold him and throw negative comments at him, you will lose his self-confidence or completely discourage him from taking any action!

Most of our parents were reluctant to hear us cry. This is because past generations were not taught to show feelings. Fortunately, this is now changing.

You should also give your child a chance to cry or shout out what hurts. Contrary to appearances, this is very important. Just like you should always listen to his opinion.

Even though you may not agree with him sometimes, the most important thing for your child is that someone listened to him and did not treat him down.

<img class="image lazyloaded imgWithMetaData aligncenter" title="Be transparent with your child [Psychology Today]" src="data:;base64,” alt=”Be transparent with your child [Psychology Today]” width=”600″ height=”400″ data-original=”https://ocdn.eu/pulscms-transforms/1/2g8ktkpTURBXy9kMzU1ZDk0MzI5ZWEwYzVkNTY4Yzc4ZDRhMTE1YmI1My5qcGeSlQMAAM0CWM0BkJUCzQJYzQGQwsM” />

Be transparent with your child [Psychology Today]

Have you ever told your child that he made you angry/sad/disappointed? That is very bad. Talking about emotions in this way makes the child feel guilty. The thought appears in his head that he has hurt his mother.

It’s better if you say that a certain situation upset you or something that happened affected you. Don’t blame the child. Sometimes it doesn’t know that its actions are causing such strong reactions in you.

Remember that there is nothing worse than the so-called quiet days. Even if you get angry with your child, don’t make him feel that way. When your emotions subside, talk to him calmly. Present your arguments to him and reach an agreement. If you get offended at your child and ignore him, he will very quickly respond in kind.

 

Previous generations of parents especially loved to point out that they were the heads or necks of the family, and children only had to obey them and follow their orders. Fortunately, times are changing.

<img class="image lazyloaded imgWithMetaData aligncenter" title="It's important that parents partner with their children [Parents]" src="data:;base64,” alt=”It’s important that parents partner with their children [Parents]” width=”790″ height=”527″ data-original=”https://ocdn.eu/pulscms-transforms/1/LMlktkpTURBXy83NGZiM2ZkNDIwYzUxODk5Yjk2ZTA3ZDlkMjI5MDNhMS5qcGeSlQMAAM0F3M0D6JUCzQMWzQIPwsM” />

It’s important that parents partner with their children [Parents]

The partnership model is becoming more and more common in families. Parents take their children’s opinions into account and consult them on certain decisions. Thanks to this, they learn that they are equally important and have an impact on what their family looks like.

This often begins to occur when children start to socialise with their peers and no longer spend as much time with their parents as before. Some people can’t come to terms with it. They assume that since they have devoted so much of their time to the child, now the child should repay the same. Mistake!

Your child will leave the nest at some point and you have no influence on it. However, try to make him always want and need to come back when things happen in his life.

Do not get married until you can honestly answer these 10 questions

Jay Fiona
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0
Do not get married until you can honestly answer these 10 questions
3 mn read

Do not get married until you can honestly answer these 10 questions

But before you jump into happily ever after, take a deep breath.

Before saying 'I do', answer these questions [MyAfroCaribbean]
Before saying ‘I do’, answer these questions

Marriage is a beautiful commitment, but it’s also a big decision – like, REALLY big. So, before you say “I do,” there are some important questions you need to ask yourself, and your partner, of course.

Answering them honestly will help you both move forward, towards a future filled with love, understanding, and shared goals.

Here are some very important questions you and your partner need to answer honestly before saying ‘I do’.

This might seem like a no-brainer, but it’s important. Marriage is all about sharing your life with someone. To do that effectively, you need to understand who YOU are. What are your values, your dreams, your dealbreakers? Knowing yourself allows you to choose a partner who complements you, not someone who clashes with your core beliefs.

Communication is the glue that holds any relationship together. Can you talk to your partner about anything, even the tough stuff?

<img class="image lazyloaded imgWithMetaData aligncenter" title="Are you and your partner comfortable with having hard conversations? [AdobeStock]" src="data:;base64,” alt=”Are you and your partner comfortable with having hard conversations? [AdobeStock]” width=”540″ height=”360″ data-original=”https://ocdn.eu/pulscms-transforms/1/PekktkpTURBXy8yY2M1ZDU5OWNjOTRiMzA3MGNjYWJiZGJkNDljNzRjMy5qcGeRlQLNAhzNAWjCww” />

Are you and your partner comfortable with having hard conversations? [AdobeStock]

Do you feel comfortable expressing your needs and feelings? Honest and open communication is essential for resolving conflicts, building trust, and keeping the spark alive.

In marriage, you both need to be headed in the same general direction. Do you agree on the importance of family, finances, or religion? Having compatible long-term goals will give your relationship a sense of purpose and direction.

Money is a major source of stress in many marriages. Before you tie the knot, have an open and honest conversation about your finances. Do you have similar spending habits? How do you feel about debt? Are you comfortable sharing bank accounts or keeping things separate?

Arguments are a normal part of life, even in the happiest marriages. The key is how you handle them. Can you both communicate calmly and respectfully, even when you disagree? Are you willing to compromise and work towards solutions together? Healthy conflict resolution is essential for a long-lasting relationship.

Marriage is about partnership, not ownership. It’s important to respect your partner’s need for some independence. Do you encourage each other to pursue your hobbies and interests? Can you give each other space without feeling insecure? A healthy marriage allows both partners to grow and thrive as individuals while also being strong together.

Nobody is perfect! We all have quirks, habits, and even annoying tendencies. Can you accept your partner for who they truly are, flaws and all? Remember, love is about embracing the whole package, not just the shiny exterior.

Marriage is amazing, but it shouldn’t be your only source of happiness.

<img class="image lazyloaded imgWithMetaData" title="Before saying 'I do', answer these questions [BellaNaija]" src="data:;base64,” alt=”Before saying ‘I do’, answer these questions [BellaNaija]” width=”790″ height=”527″ data-original=”https://ocdn.eu/pulscms-transforms/1/lvIktkpTURBXy80NDEyMThjZTJiMTUxNzNjNjY2MjBhZGFlYmQyOWE3ZC5qcGeRlQLNAxbNAg_Cww” />

Before saying ‘I do’, answer these questions

Do you both have strong friendships and family connections? Having a support system outside of your relationship allows you to maintain a sense of self and provides a safety net during challenging times.

Marriage takes work – not constant, exhausting work, but a commitment to nurture and grow together. Are you willing to put in the effort to keep the spark alive? This means planning date nights, communicating openly, and being supportive of each other’s dreams.

Marriage isn’t just about the here and now. It’s about building a future together. Can you envision yourselves growing old side-by-side? Do you share similar dreams for the future, like having children or travelling the world? Seeing a future together is a powerful indicator of compatibility.

Marriage is a beautiful journey, but it’s not always sunshine and rainbows.

By asking yourself these questions and discussing them openly with your partner, you can set your relationship up for success. Marriage is all about love, commitment, and building a life together.

Best Cities to Visit in Africa

Efiok Ephraim
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0
Best Cities to Visit in Africa
5 mn read

Best Cities to Visit in Africa

Johannesburg, South Africa

This diverse southern African city is beyond magical. Joburg as its fondly called is South Africa’s entertainment centre. This city is an accurate depiction of modern day South Africa. A trip to Johannesburg allows you explore more than enough things: Soweto, Mandela’s house, the apartheid museum, Johannesburg zoo, world class malls and even the city’s nightlife. For tourists who need a bit of adrenaline rush, visit Soweto Towers to go bungee jumping.

Best time to visit: March to May (Autumn), September to November (Spring).

Currency: South African Rand.

Marrakech, Morocco

Located in northern Africa, Morocco is a delight for people who are enthusiastic about architecture. Walk down the streets of Marrakech to take in the phenomenal architecture -be careful not to get lost. Marrakech is home to a lot of luxury resorts so if you’re looking to give yourself a lovely treat, Marrakech is the right place. Explore the souks and markets at night as that’s when they come alive.

Best time to visit: March – May

Currency: Moroccan Dirham

Cairo, Egypt

The ancient city of Egypt is a dreamy holiday destination for history lovers. Cairo is the largest city and the capital of Egypt. Its a relatively safe city so tourists can be rest assured of their safety. Visit the museum of Egyptian antiquities, Mosque of Mohammed Ali, Cairo festival city mall, Cave church, Khan El-Khalili souk and sail on the Nile. To see the pyramids, you can take a taxi to Giza not too far away from the city centre. Egyptians are also known to love their coffee so, experiment and try different variations of coffee.

Best time to visit: March – May, October – November .

Currency: Egyptian pound

Nairobi, Kenya

A discussion about East Africa is not complete without talking about Kenya’s capital city- Nairobi. Kenya welcomes you with so much warmth all thanks to the almost perfect weather. A major bustling metropolitan city, Nairobi is often referred to as the Wildlife capital. It offers you a combination of the safari experience and a modern city. Explore the national park, Giraffe manor, the elephants orphanage and many more. A trip to Nairobi guarantees you lots of fun and cool experiences with animals.

Best time to visit: June – October

Currency: Kenyan Shilling

Lagos, Nigeria

Nigeria’s entertainment hub – Lagos is probably the most fast-pace city you can visit in Africa. This west African city is home to gorgeous public and private beaches, museums, parks and restaurants. Ain’t no party like a Lagos party helps you understand that Lagos’ nightlife isn’t for the faint- hearted. Visit the Lekki conservation centre, Nike art gallery and shop at the Lekki Arts and Crafts market.

Best time to visit: November – February

Currency: Nigerian Naira

Accra, Ghana

This west African city welcomes tourists with a lot of warmth. Explore the city’s beaches and night life. Visit the Aburi botanical gardens, Kwame Nkrumah park and black star gate. You can also treat yourself to some street food like Kelewele, Kychinga and many more.

Best time to visit: July – October

Currency: Ghanaian Cedis

Dakar, Senegal

The most westernmost city in west Africa. Dakar is home to some very interesting architecture because of its Arab influence. This city has the loveliest beaches that are a surfer’s paradise. Explore the pink lake and the African renaissance monument (tallest in Africa). Buy distinct arts and crafts in the markets from the sellers: try to get a good bargain.

Best time to visit: August

Currency: Western African CFA franc

Cape Town, South Africa

Located in the heart of South Africa, Cape Town is a very intriguing city. Home to the world famous table mountains, its Asian influences are very evident in the culture and food. Take a cable car across table mountain to get the most stunning aerial view of the city. Go wine tasting in any vineyard of your choice and spend sometime in Camps Bay (one of South Africa’s most beautiful beaches). Take a stroll through Bo-Kaapto see the multi- colored houses on the streets. Cape Town has an abundance of activities to engage in, you’d never get bored on your trip.

Best time to visit: March-May, September – November

Windhoek, Namibia

Formerly a part of South Africa before it gained its independence as a sovereign state in 1990. Winhoek is the capital city and is home to some historical sites. Visit the Voigtland Guesthouse to feed some giraffes, learn a bit of Namibia’s history at the Independence memorial museum, take a tour of Daan Viljoen game reserve and many more. To buy souvenirs, explore Namibia craft centre for beautiful arts and crafts.

Best time to visit: December – February

Currency: Namibian dollar

Kigali, Rwanda

Dubbed the cleanest city in Africa, Kigali is always a delight to visit. With its low crime rates, your safety is guaranteed. Learn more about Rwanda’s post- genocide history and enjoy viewing art at some of the city’s Art centres. Via Kigali, you can access other cities if you’re looking to explore more of the country’s beauty. Coffee is never a bad idea in Rwanda, so get to it and drink as much as you can!

Best time to visit: June – September

Currency: Rwandan Franc

There you have it! Our top 10 cities to visit in Africa. If you’re looking to plan a trip to any of these cities, we are here.

You’re washing your hands the wrong way — see how to do it properly

Jay Fiona
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0
You’re washing your hands the wrong way — see how to do it properly
2 mn read

You’re washing your hands the wrong way — see how to do it properly

Let’s first remember that washing your hands should last from 30 to 60 seconds.

Your hands must be washed properly to get rid of harmful microorganisms [Adobe Stock]
Your hands must be washed properly to get rid of harmful microorganisms [Adobe Stock]

The topic of hand washing has been raised many times in recent years, mainly in the context of the COVID-19 pandemic.

Why your legs may swell after sitting for a while and how to reduce it

Jay Fiona
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0
Why your legs may swell after sitting for a while and how to reduce it
2 mn read

Why your legs may swell after sitting for a while and how to reduce it

Have you ever noticed your legs being swollen after sitting down for a while?

Leg swelling is also known as edema [Shutterstock]
Leg swelling

Due to the kind of jobs most of us do, or other activities such as long flights etc., prolonged sitting is almost a daily routine.

5 ways to deal with problematic in-laws

Jay Fiona
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0
5 ways to deal with problematic in-laws
3 mn read

5 ways to deal with problematic in-laws

In-law drama can sometimes be a lot to handle.

How to deal with problematic in-laws [Newsweek]
How to deal with problematic in-laws

In Nigerian culture, family is of utmost importance. Marriage isn’t just a union of two individuals, it’s the joining of two families. Ideally, this creates a strong support system for the newly wedded couple.

8 Signs You’ve Found Your Platonic Soulmate

Jay Fiona
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0
8 Signs You’ve Found Your Platonic Soulmate
4 mn read

8 Signs You’ve Found Your Platonic Soulmate

We know what it feels like to hit it off with someone instantly. You recognize a kindred spirit in someone and form a deep bond with them. The two of you just seem to get each other.

The person isn’t just your best friend, they’re somehow more than that. It feels like they’re your soulmate, but you don’t think of them that way. You’re not physically attracted to them and you don’t have romantic feelings for them, but the two of you just click. You love them, but you’ll never be in love with them. In that case, the person may be your platonic soulmate.

A platonic soulmate is someone we feel a strong sense of connection, familiarity, understanding, and intimacy toward without being attracted to the person, says Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist specializing in interpersonal relationships.

The idea of platonic love was first introduced by the Greek philosopher Plato, who theorized that love supersedes lust and is more intellectual and emotional than romantic or sexual.1

At a Glance

Soulmates don’t only have to be confined to romantic relationships. We can also have really close friends who we’re so in tune with that they feel like soulmates. Just without all the feelings, complications, and drama that can sometimes accompany romantic relationships, making platonic soulmates pretty awesome.

Platonic soulmates have our backs and offer unconditional support. We can be our authentic selves with them without worrying about being judged. Having them in our lives can be a major blessing.

How Do You Know If Someone Is Your Platonic Soulmate?

These are some of the signs of a platonic soulmate:

  • Strong bond: You often experience a strong feeling of familiarity and immediate connection with your platonic soulmate upon meeting them, says Dr. Romanoff.
  • Mutual understanding: The two of you have a deep sense of understanding that often goes beyond words. You’re on the same wavelength and just get each other.
  • Unconditional support: The two of you are a major source of support for each other. They’re your biggest cheerleader when things are going well and they’ve got your back when things get tough.
  • Shared values: You’re on the same page, especially when it comes to the things that matter most. Your shared values bring you closer together.
  • Authenticity: You have a deep bond that makes it easy to be your most authentic selves around each other.
  • Lack of judgment: You can be vulnerable with each other and share your deepest and darkest thoughts with one another, without judgment.
  • Timelessness: Even if you don’t meet or talk regularly, the connection remains strong. Time and distance don’t diminish your bond.
  • Reciprocity: The relationship is a two-way street. Both of you know you can count on each other, no matter what.

While romantic relationships have a similar level of intensity of connection, they tend to be less stable and are vulnerable to highs and lows, rejection, betrayal, and breakups, says Dr. Romanoff. “Platonic soulmates are much more immune to the ups and downs of romantic relationships and therefore have a more unique and valuable role in our lives.”

Nurturing a Platonic Soulmate Relationship

These are some strategies that can help you form and nurture platonic connections:

  • Be genuine: Be honest and authentic about who you are and what matters to you. Let the person see the real you. Although being vulnerable with someone can be scary, bonding over a shared experience can be immensely powerful, says Dr. Romanoff.
  • Listen actively: Make it a point to actively listen to the other person when they share with you, so they feel seen, heard, and supported. Ask them questions about their experiences and put yourself in their shoes to try and understand how they might have felt.
  • Make time for each other: Prioritize spending time with each other, whether it’s a regular coffee catch-up, drinks after work, a weekend hangout, or an annual trip to see each other. If you don’t live nearby, make it a point to stay in touch over text, calls, and video chats.
  • Pursue common passions: Do things you both enjoy. Whether it’s painting, yoga, or other hobbies, spending quality time together can be fun and help deepen your bond.
  • Create your own traditions: Whether it’s a secret handshake or a special friendship dance, create rituals and traditions that are unique and meaningful to your friendship.
  • Respect differences: No two people are the same, so there are bound to be differences between you and your platonic soulmate. Respect and appreciate the differences between the two of you.
  • Set boundaries: Setting boundaries can help you maintain a healthy relationship. Whether physical, emotional, or social, boundaries can help ensure that both of you are comfortable with the dynamic.
  • Let go of grudges: Misunderstandings happen. Be ready to apologize when you’ve done something wrong, and practice forgiveness when they ask for it. Holding onto negativity can cost you a precious friendship.
  • Celebrate milestones: Make it a point to celebrate each other’s birthdays, achievements, and life events.
  • Offer support during tough times: Be there for the person when they’re going through tough times. Show them they can count on you for emotional and practical support.

Benefits of Having a Platonic Soulmate

These are some of the benefits of having a platonic soulmate in your life:

  • Increased happiness: The acceptance, support, and companionship a platonic soulmate offers can lead to increased levels of happiness.2
  • Lower stress levels: Knowing that there is someone you can rely on for support and comfort during stressful times can significantly reduce your stress and anxiety.3
  • Reduced loneliness: Life can get pretty lonely sometimes, so having a close friend you can reach out to can be reassuring.4
  • Greater personal growth: Having a platonic soulmate can help you grow as a person and achieve your full potential.5
  • Heightened sense of belonging: Having strong bonds can anchor you to your community and contribute to a sense of purpose and belonging.6

Being able to be vulnerable and share your experiences and feelings without defenses is one of the greatest benefits of platonic soulmates. These relationships can help you feel more connected, validated, and strengthened.

Embracing Platonic Soulmates for a Fulfilling Life

While the spotlight is often on romantic soulmates, it’s important to recognize the platonic soulmates in our lives. These are the childhood friends, college buddies, or colleagues that we just click with right away and become fast friends with.

These relationships offer emotional support and deep connections that go a long way toward making us feel happy, connected, and supported. It’s important that we maintain these friendships by prioritizing them along with our romantic relationships, because they are often the ones that stand the test of time and distance.

6 Benefits of Friendship and Why It’s So Important to Stay Close

Jay Fiona
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0
6 Benefits of Friendship and Why It’s So Important to Stay Close
3 mn read

6 Benefits of Friendship and Why It’s So Important to Stay Close

In an age where many of us feel lonelier and more disconnected than ever—despite being chronically online—it’s never been more important to invest extra energy into our friendships. Platonic relationships are sometimes overlooked in our quest for romantic ones but friendship is just as important to our psychological well being.

Friendships can enrich your life in countless ways. Good friends teach you about yourself and challenge you to be better. They encourage you to keep going when times get tough and celebrate your successes with you. They help you build community

But friends do a lot more than give you a shoulder to cry on; they also have a positive impact on your health. Some research even says friendships are as important to your well-being as eating right and exercising.1Here’s why:

Friends Are Good for Your Physical Health

It turns out that healthy relationships actually contribute to good physical health. Having a close circle of friends can decrease your risk of health problems like diabetes, heart attack, and stroke.

Having strong social ties can also decrease feelings of loneliness, which evidence shows can take a toll on your longevity. According to a 2010 review, people with strong relationships have half the risk of premature death from all causes.2

Social isolation and loneliness are linked to a variety of health issues such as high blood pressure, substance abuse, heart disease, and even cancer.3

Friends Encourage Healthy Behaviors

One possible explanation for those health benefits is that friendships can help you make lifestyle changes that can have a direct impact on your well-being. For example, your friends can help you set and maintain goals to eat better and exercise more.4 They can also watch out for you and give a heads-up when any unhealthy behaviors (like drinking too much) get out of hand.

Additionally, people are more motivated and likely to stick to a weight loss or exercise program when they do it with a buddy. It’s much easier to get out and stay active when you have a friend by your side.

That friend may also suggest activities that you would not have considered on your own—thus, pushing you outside your comfort zone to challenge your anxiety.

Friends Provide Emotional Support

If you find yourself going through a hard time, having a friend to help you through can make the transition easier.

Research also shows that happiness is contagious among friends. One study of high school students found that those who were depressed were twice as likely to recover if they had happy friends. Likewise, kids were half as likely to develop depression if their friends had a “healthy mood.”5

Friends Help Build Your Confidence

Everyone has self-doubts and insecurities every now and then. But having friends who support you plays a big role in building your self-esteem. When people around you provide validation, it impacts your ability to love and appreciate yourself.

Supportive friends can help you feel more confident by offering praise and reassurance when you’re feeling unsure. They’ll shine a light on just how amazing you are and how much you have to offer others.

Friends Help You Beat Stress

Everyone goes through stressful events. If you know you have people you can count on, you may be less likely to even perceive a tough time as stressful.

Spending time with friends can also help reduce stress. According to Harvard Medical School, “social connections help relieve levels of stress, which can harm the heart’s arteries, gut function, insulin regulation, and the immune system.”6

Friends can also help you cope with stressful situations. According to one small study, when children hang out with their friends during a stressful situation, they produce less cortisol, a hormone released when the body is under stress.7

As the song goes: “We all need somebody to lean on.”

A lack of friends can leave you feeling lonely and without support, which makes you vulnerable to other problems such as depression and substance abuse.8

Friends Help You Cultivate Community

While we might all be pretty good at building online communities, our in person ones are seriously lacking. When we invest the energy in our friendships, and then encourage our friends to be friends with each other it fosters a sense of community.

A healthy community can help us feel more at home in our towns and cities When we’re out and about and we see people we know—at the grocery store, at a local cafe, etc—it lets us know that we are part of something bigger and that we belong.

Friends Push You To Be Your Best

Ever heard some version of the phrase, “you are the average of the people you spend your time with”? The people we’re friends with have the power to influence our own values and character. When you prioritize friendships with people who are generous with their time, help others, or are ambitious or family-oriented, you are more likely to develop those values yourself.9

Great friends have the power to mold you into the best version of yourself. They see you and love you for who you truly are. They encourage you and push you to do better and be the person you want to be—your “ideal self.

5 things that happen when you cut a toxic person off

Jay Fiona
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0
5 things that happen when you cut a toxic person off
2 mn read

5 things that happen when you cut a toxic person off

Cutting ties with toxic individuals can be a necessary step for your mental and emotional well-being, but it often comes with unexpected consequences.

Things that happen when you cut a narcissistic person off
Things that happen when you cut a narcissistic person off

Here are five things that can happen when you decide to remove toxic people from your life:

Nigerian Desserts

Jay Fiona
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0
Nigerian Desserts
3 mn read

Nigerian Desserts

Nigerian desserts include simple finger foods like puff puff, meat pies, buns, pancakes, etc. A great number of them are considered too sweet for average Nigeria, hence, dessert is not such a huge topic in the Nigerian food sphere.

On this page, you will learn about different dessert recipes from Nigeria. There are a lot of them, but I think I am going to start with the trendy ones, at the bottom of the page I will include some advanced recipes.

Top Nigerian Desserts

1. Puff Puff

Puff puff recipe

Puff puff is a regular road-side snack from Nigeria. The recipe is easy and kids love it.

Click here for Puff Puff Recipe

2. Pancakes (Nigerian Desserts)

Pancake Image

I love pancakes, but not as much as my kids though. This dessert is a winner any day, plus you can make this is just about 15 minutes.

Pancake Recipe Here

3. Nigerian Chin chin

Chin Chin

Chin chin is a very popular snack from Nigeria, it is one of the top Nigerian desserts for kids. When planning the next kid’s birthday party, you can include chin chin as a take-home snack.

Fruit Salad (Nigerian Desserts)

Fruit salad

A myriad of fruits exists in Nigeria. A combination of these fruits makes a perfect dessert idea.

Fruit salad recipe here

Other Nigerian Foods

5. Nigerian Nkwobi

Nkwobi

What do you know about Nigerian Nkwobi, I fell in love with this very popular delicacy the very first minute I had my first bite, It is very easy to make and you will learn about all the ingredients used and also why this dessert is quite popular among Nigerians?

How to Make Nkwobi

6. Moi Moi (Beans Pudding)

Moi moi recipe

Moi moi is the third on my list of Nigeria popular desserts, The making of this dessert is often a little bit complicated but I will try as much as possible to provide a detailed guide on the main page.

7. Nigerian Pepper Soup

Pepper Soup

Here I made pepper soup with assorted meat, like I have already stated, assorted meat in Nigerian is referred to as the meats from different parts of a cow or goat.

The intestine, liver, kidney, tripe, and plain red meat. Click the link below

Pepper Soup Recipe

Like I said initially, there are several kinds of desserts eaten in Nigerian, most of which I am yet to learn about. There are over a hundred different tribes, hence the reason we have a wild variety of foods eaten in Nigeria.

I want to talk about simple to make desserts in Nigeria, the likes of bons, meat-pies, pancakes, bolle, puff-puff, several of which could be made in less than thirty minutes or one hour but that is just dependent on lots of other factors.

You can also learn to make Nigerian cakes, I have tried different Nigerian cake recipes but would likely talk about butter cake here as my number one Nigerian cake recipe.

Other Nigerian delicious foods

8. Ukwa (African Breadfruit)

Ukwa (African Breadfruit)

My favorite Nigerian (Igbo) recipe  – African Breadfruit Ukwa

9. Beef Suya

Suya

 

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