How to avoid comparing new relationships to past ones
Starting a new relationship is exciting, but it can also bring up memories of old ones.
Comparing your new partner to someone from your past is easy, but it’s not always helpful. You need to enjoy your new relationship without letting your past relationships get in the way.
But why do these comparisons happen?
First, know that it’s normal to think about how things were with someone else before. It’s how our brains help us make sense of new things. But just because it’s normal doesn’t mean it’s good for us. When you compare, you might miss out on seeing all the good things about the person you’re with now.
Focus on the present
Your new relationship is happening now, not in the past. Try these ideas to help you stay in the moment:
- Have fun with your new partner. Do things you both like. This helps build new, happy memories together.
- Think about the good things in your new relationship. Maybe your new partner is kind, funny, or really listens to you. Focusing on these things can make you feel happier.
Talk about your feelings
If you’re feeling stuck on past relationships, talking can really help. Here’s how:
- Talk to friends or family: Sometimes saying your feelings out loud to someone else can make them seem smaller and easier to handle.
- Write It down: Writing about your feelings can clear your mind. You can see what’s really bothering you and then work on it.
Learn from the past
Your past relationships can teach you a lot. Here are some ways to learn without comparing:
- Think about what made you happy in your past relationships. Look for those things in your new relationship, but be open to new joys too.
- Think about what went wrong before. Try not to do those things again. This is about learning, not blaming yourself or your new partner.
Enjoy what’s new
Every person is different. This means every relationship is different too. Enjoy finding out what makes your new relationship special. Maybe your new partner makes you laugh in a new way or likes an activity you’ve never tried before.
Build confidence
Sometimes we compare because we’re scared. Here are some tips to help you feel better about yourself:
- Spend time doing activities you enjoy and are good at. This can make you feel stronger and happier.
- Remember, no one is perfect. Be nice to yourself when you make mistakes. This helps you be nicer to others too.
Take it slow
Don’t rush. Getting to know someone new takes time. Here’s why taking it slow is good:
- Learn about each other: The more time you spend together, the more you learn. You might find you like this person even more than you thought!
- Let feelings grow: Love and friendship grow slowly. Give them time to blossom.
Ask for help if you need it
If comparing is making you really sad or upset, it’s okay to ask for help. Talking to a counsellor can be very helpful. They can listen and give you advice on how to feel better.
Every new relationship is a chance for a fresh start. Be kind to yourself, take things slow, and ask for help if you need it. This way, you can enjoy your new relationship for all the wonderful things it has to offer.
