8 Signs You’ve Found Your Platonic Soulmate
We know what it feels like to hit it off with someone instantly. You recognize a kindred spirit in someone and form a deep bond with them. The two of you just seem to get each other.
The person isn’t just your best friend, they’re somehow more than that. It feels like they’re your soulmate, but you don’t think of them that way. You’re not physically attracted to them and you don’t have romantic feelings for them, but the two of you just click. You love them, but you’ll never be in love with them. In that case, the person may be your platonic soulmate.
A platonic soulmate is someone we feel a strong sense of connection, familiarity, understanding, and intimacy toward without being attracted to the person, says Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist specializing in interpersonal relationships.
The idea of platonic love was first introduced by the Greek philosopher Plato, who theorized that love supersedes lust and is more intellectual and emotional than romantic or sexual.1
At a Glance
Soulmates don’t only have to be confined to romantic relationships. We can also have really close friends who we’re so in tune with that they feel like soulmates. Just without all the feelings, complications, and drama that can sometimes accompany romantic relationships, making platonic soulmates pretty awesome.
Platonic soulmates have our backs and offer unconditional support. We can be our authentic selves with them without worrying about being judged. Having them in our lives can be a major blessing.
How Do You Know If Someone Is Your Platonic Soulmate?
These are some of the signs of a platonic soulmate:
- Strong bond: You often experience a strong feeling of familiarity and immediate connection with your platonic soulmate upon meeting them, says Dr. Romanoff.
- Mutual understanding: The two of you have a deep sense of understanding that often goes beyond words. You’re on the same wavelength and just get each other.
- Unconditional support: The two of you are a major source of support for each other. They’re your biggest cheerleader when things are going well and they’ve got your back when things get tough.
- Shared values: You’re on the same page, especially when it comes to the things that matter most. Your shared values bring you closer together.
- Authenticity: You have a deep bond that makes it easy to be your most authentic selves around each other.
- Lack of judgment: You can be vulnerable with each other and share your deepest and darkest thoughts with one another, without judgment.
- Timelessness: Even if you don’t meet or talk regularly, the connection remains strong. Time and distance don’t diminish your bond.
- Reciprocity: The relationship is a two-way street. Both of you know you can count on each other, no matter what.
While romantic relationships have a similar level of intensity of connection, they tend to be less stable and are vulnerable to highs and lows, rejection, betrayal, and breakups, says Dr. Romanoff. “Platonic soulmates are much more immune to the ups and downs of romantic relationships and therefore have a more unique and valuable role in our lives.”
Nurturing a Platonic Soulmate Relationship
These are some strategies that can help you form and nurture platonic connections:
- Be genuine: Be honest and authentic about who you are and what matters to you. Let the person see the real you. Although being vulnerable with someone can be scary, bonding over a shared experience can be immensely powerful, says Dr. Romanoff.
- Listen actively: Make it a point to actively listen to the other person when they share with you, so they feel seen, heard, and supported. Ask them questions about their experiences and put yourself in their shoes to try and understand how they might have felt.
- Make time for each other: Prioritize spending time with each other, whether it’s a regular coffee catch-up, drinks after work, a weekend hangout, or an annual trip to see each other. If you don’t live nearby, make it a point to stay in touch over text, calls, and video chats.
- Pursue common passions: Do things you both enjoy. Whether it’s painting, yoga, or other hobbies, spending quality time together can be fun and help deepen your bond.
- Create your own traditions: Whether it’s a secret handshake or a special friendship dance, create rituals and traditions that are unique and meaningful to your friendship.
- Respect differences: No two people are the same, so there are bound to be differences between you and your platonic soulmate. Respect and appreciate the differences between the two of you.
- Set boundaries: Setting boundaries can help you maintain a healthy relationship. Whether physical, emotional, or social, boundaries can help ensure that both of you are comfortable with the dynamic.
- Let go of grudges: Misunderstandings happen. Be ready to apologize when you’ve done something wrong, and practice forgiveness when they ask for it. Holding onto negativity can cost you a precious friendship.
- Celebrate milestones: Make it a point to celebrate each other’s birthdays, achievements, and life events.
- Offer support during tough times: Be there for the person when they’re going through tough times. Show them they can count on you for emotional and practical support.
Benefits of Having a Platonic Soulmate
These are some of the benefits of having a platonic soulmate in your life:
- Increased happiness: The acceptance, support, and companionship a platonic soulmate offers can lead to increased levels of happiness.2
- Lower stress levels: Knowing that there is someone you can rely on for support and comfort during stressful times can significantly reduce your stress and anxiety.3
- Reduced loneliness: Life can get pretty lonely sometimes, so having a close friend you can reach out to can be reassuring.4
- Greater personal growth: Having a platonic soulmate can help you grow as a person and achieve your full potential.5
- Heightened sense of belonging: Having strong bonds can anchor you to your community and contribute to a sense of purpose and belonging.6
Being able to be vulnerable and share your experiences and feelings without defenses is one of the greatest benefits of platonic soulmates. These relationships can help you feel more connected, validated, and strengthened.
Embracing Platonic Soulmates for a Fulfilling Life
While the spotlight is often on romantic soulmates, it’s important to recognize the platonic soulmates in our lives. These are the childhood friends, college buddies, or colleagues that we just click with right away and become fast friends with.
These relationships offer emotional support and deep connections that go a long way toward making us feel happy, connected, and supported. It’s important that we maintain these friendships by prioritizing them along with our romantic relationships, because they are often the ones that stand the test of time and distance.