### Why People Still Have Sex with Their Exes – And How They Can Stop
Even after breaking up, some former couples maintain contact and continue to have sex, sometimes even cheating on current partners. In Nigeria, this is often referred to as Okafor’s Law.
Studies indicate that a notable percentage of young adults (27%) and separated couples (22%) have had sex with an ex within a specific timeframe (Sage Journal, Psychology of Breakup).
#### Reasons People Sleep with Their Exes After Breaking Up
1. **Nostalgia**
– Clinical psychologist Jo Lamble explains that nostalgia for a younger, freer, and happier time can lead to an affair. Committed relationships or marriages can feel confining, prompting memories of the past with an ex.
2. **Familiarity**
– When feeling sad, many seek comfort in the familiar. Experts say people cheat with ex-partners because they feel a sense of certainty, know them well, and feel safe with them.
3. **Dissatisfaction**
– Dissatisfaction, neglect, anger, or falling out of love are primary reasons for cheating. A study in the Journal of Sex Research found that most cheaters cited dissatisfaction with their current relationship, feeling neglected, anger, or falling out of love as their motives.
4. **Hoping to Get Back Together**
– Post-breakup sex can be a strategy to reconcile. Researchers Buss and Schmitt note that both men and women use displays of affection, called benefit-provisioning, to try and win their exes back.
5. **Using the Sexual Relationship for Other Purposes**
– According to Sexual Strategy Theory (SST) by Buss and Schmitt, people may use sex after a breakup to gain resources, social ties, or high-quality partners. This adaptive value can include sexual variety, genetically suitable partners, resource acquisition, or social status advancement.
#### How to Avoid Sleeping with Your Ex
1. **Respect Yourself**
– Remember how your ex treated you and why the relationship ended. Sleeping with an ex can undermine your self-worth.
2. **Avoid Shared Places**
– Give yourself time before revisiting places where you might encounter your ex. A complete break from communication, including avoiding seeing them in person, can be the healthiest option.
3. **Social Media Cleanse**
– Unfollow or block your ex on social media to avoid seeing pictures or updates that might trigger emotions or nostalgia. This allows you time and space to heal and move on.
